Broken Facial Hair

So I don't enjoy writing about facial hair but when it just up and slaps you in the face ... you can't ignore it.

My husband is an idiot! I love the man dearly but sometimes he can be a complete and total jackass. Case in point ... he has shaved his beard into some sort of old school presidential looking atrocity. 

He created this stupid group on facebook called Broken Facial Hair. It is described as ...

A group for guys who grow and love having facial hair other than a full on beard.

Stupid ... right?

Anyway, he has always had a "full on beard" but has shaved just his chin ... that's it ... just his chin.

I think his NYE kiss will have to be with BigPapaBrey ... another facial hair atrocity.

Do Over

So everyone should get a practice run for their wedding because I'm pretty sure there is something that just about everyone would change about their Big Day.

I would change almost everything!

These are the parts of my wedding that sucked.

- photographer

- dress

- one of the bridesmaids (Adrienne, Diane and Marit are awesome!)

- my stupid ass idea not to see Nick before the ceremony

- food

- having the bridesmaids get their shoes dyed ... for the love of god, what was I thinking?

- my shoes

- my hair

- the dude who married us ... never met him before, never seen him since

The parts of my wedding that were cool were

- the free booze which flowed all night ... a wedding gift from a good friend of my dad who owns a bar

- the location ... The Lodge at Crooked Lake in Siren, WI ... just close enough that it wasn't hard for everyone to get there but far enough away that all of our lush friends had to get rooms. We didn't want to be responsible for anyone drinking and driving.

- getting married in December ... the place was all decked out with lights and it saved us money on decorations (yep, I'm cheap)

Anyway ... if I could do it again I would take the money and run ... to Vegas and have Elvis marry us. Then we'd go on a kick ass honeymoon.

Site Meter

So I put this Site Meter on my page on Dec. 23 and never really checked it out until tonight. I wanted to see just how specific the details are for the hits on my page. They're pretty specific but now I'm just wondering ... who are all of these people? I don't know anyone in Denver, CO. Never met anyone in Chicago, IL or Rochester, NY. The list continues, filled with places where I don't know a soul. I'm sure these people found my blog the same way I found all of the ones I read faithfully ... by snooping of course ... but I'm really curious now.

Show yourselves people. I want to check you out. Leave me a comment and let me hit up your blogs now.

Headphones ... no more

So Gage loved these headphones and got to use them for  ... what ... a week?

These are not cheap headphones and I know that he really, really liked them but he broke them already. I don't get it. Do kids really get so much crap now that they don't feel the need to be even just a little careful with it? Stupid question ... of course they do.

He's at his dad's so I have no idea what happened. I do know that his dad told him to call here and see f they were under warranty. Um ... I'm pretty sure no place offers a warranty for teenagism. Oh well ... I hope he enjoyed them while they lasted.

Nick's pain ... from my point of view

So right after I posted my stupid blog about vacuuming Nick came running upstairs and said ...

"Honey, I need your help! I cut myself."

That may sound like no big deal to most people but the second I heard it I felt like I was going to pass out. That was before I had seen anything. See, I knew it wasn't gonna be pretty because he actually asked for help ... he doesn't do that ... ever. He's a typical guy.

I walk in the kitchen and he's standing there at the sink and he's kind of shaking a little. That's nothing new ... his hands are always a little shaky  ... it was the pasty white face that made me take a step back. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I automatically ask if he wants me to call Kathy (our savior, medical professional neighbor who has come to our rescue more times than she would like, I'm sure). He said yes ... oh shit, he said YES!

Let me now share a little information about myself. I suck at seeing blood, dealing with bloodiness, thinking about bloodiness ... trauma in general ... of any kind unless it is one of my kids and I have no choice because I am the only one around and even then it is likely I will lose my shit.

Okay, back to my pasty faced bleeding husband who never asks for help but just did.

I called Kathy who was literally just stepping out of the shower. She asked if he could wait 10 minutes before coming over. Then she stopped herself and asked if he needed her to come here. He said yes ... there's that bile again. 

I poured Nick a glass of orange juice ... cuz that's what they give you after you donate blood ... right? I figured that would help. He sat at the table for a minute and seemed semi okay and then he kind of turned greenish white and started breathing all heavy and shit. 

Um ... what's happening in my stomach? Whatever it is ... it's not good!

He asked for a cold damp, cloth for his head. Holy shit ... are you kidding me!?! This man never asks for anything and now he needs a cold, damp cloth. He must be messed up!

I got him his towel vice and told him to lay his ass down before he passed out ... which would clearly make me pass out and I'm sure that would have scarred Layla for life. He barely made it to the couch but once he got there he said he felt way better.

Kathy came over ... wet hair and all (what a great freakin woman she is!) and glued him back together. Did I mention she had to cut off some sort of skin flappy thing before she glued him? Yep ... that just made my stomach flip again. That woman has guts of steel and clearly chose the right profession. 

Nick took some Tylenol and went to the basement to watch the game. Jeff, BigPapaBrey, and Dan came over to keep him company. Dan made sure he didn't bleed out and the day turned out okay.

Kathy ... we all thank you. Nick, for gluing him back together. Me, for preventing a trip to the clinic which would have involved serious lightheadedness and possible vomiting ... all on my part! And last but not least, Layla who thanks you for saving her from it all.

Yeah ... I've got dust ... SO!

So today while Nick and Jeffy watch the game I get to vacuum spider webs off of the ceiling of just about every room in this house. Maybe they're not all spider webs ... maybe some are just big strings of dust but the effect is the same ... gross! 

Twilight was possibly the dumbest movie I have seen in a long time. Here's my review if you care.

The "Smell the Fart" acting was right up there with Joey Tribbiani at his best. If Robert Patterson weren't so cute I might have walked out. The "special effects" ... um ... not so much. They changed the book so much that sometimes it was hard to tell what they were taking about. 

I will say that the group of teenage girls behind me seemed to love it so I guess they hit their target audience.

Oh ... BigPapaBrey ... I feel your pain. The popcorn chomper lady also sat behind us but not only did she eat louder than the movie she also repeated the lines to her partially deaf buddy.

Enough procrastinating ... Dyson is calling my name.

Going Green = Crushed Chips

So we went to the grocery store today. Are you all on the edge of your seats now?

I have been taking reusable bags for shopping for awhile now. Can I just say ... at Super Target they bag groceries for you but when you bring your own bags the cashier kind of assumes you will be bagging your own groceries. Not normally a problem ... I would rather bag my own. Here's when it becomes a problem.

The belt thingy that the groceries go down is MUCH shorter than at a regular grocery store. This doesn't stop the cashier from sending all your business down with incredible speed. I am only one person ... two hands. I can't bag the shit fast enough to stop everything from getting crushed. If I have to pay $4 for a bag of chips I don't want a bag of crumbs by the time I get home. I really don't think that's too much to ask ... or maybe I do because I never say anything to them. I just bitch about it when I get home. Maybe next time.

I am taking Sue to see Twilight tonight. It was supposed to be her birthday present (her birthday was Nov. 13) but we both got sick and ... well ... we're going tonight. 

Do you think we'll be the oldest ones there?

I love a good bargain

So we went out to Target this morning because it's my favorite day to shop. You can find all of your Christmas crap for next year super cheap.

We decided this year that after Christmas we would buy a fake tree for next year if we could find a really good deal. There is a tree that Nick has been looking at for a few weeks. It looks and feels real and it's the only one he liked. It was $280. That's a lot of freakin money. There's no way we would spend that much money on a fake tree ... no way. 

This morning they had it for half off. Still a lot of money ... but better. They also had all of the display trees at 75% off. We got the display tree ... of course. The cashier ended up giving us 75% off of the sale price. We got the thing for $33. That's cheaper than a real tree. I realize you all know that but seriously ... for emphasis ... THAT"S CHEAP!!!!!

The day after Christmas shopping ... Love It!!

Layla's iPod kicks my iPods ass!

So I'm sleeping like a baby ... all warm and comfy and I hear little feet coming into the bedroom. 

"Merry Christmas!" 

I hear her but I can't see her. Why? you ask. Um ... because it's 3:45 a.m. She had no idea what time it was. She just knew that she was supposed to get up early and that she did.

After going back to sleep until a much more appropriate 7:00 a.m. she ran out to the living room and grabbed her stocking. She was a little excited and broke the stocking holder but that's okay ... it's Christmas!

She opened her Santa gift first and was thrilled ... I mean like really, seriously HAPPY!

I never thought I would see the day that I honestly could care less if I got one thing for Christmas but here it is. Watching your kids open their presents is one of the coolest things in the world.

Merry Christmas ... I hope you all got exactly what you wanted.

Hanging with my internet girlfriend

So last night I finally got to meet the infamous Sara Patsy ... now Cobb. For those of you not living my life with me every day, she is Nick's high school girlfriend. We met up with her and her husband, Ty, at a bar in WBL and had a few drinks. Layla was at her BFF's and had to be picked up at 9:30. I didn't know if that would be a good thing or a bummer, ya know like maybe we would need to be saved from some serious awkwardness and having to pick her up would be the perfect excuse.

Turns out they are both incredibly awesome and we (or maybe just me ... I'm kind of bossy) didn't want to end the night there. We all came back here and had a few more drinks and played the Wii. 

It was fun, not awkward at all and I'm sad they don't live closer. I'm already looking forward to their next visit.

Just a little footnote ... Vodka/Cranberry will now be added to my list of drinks that make me puke.

Who's husband rocks?!?

So Fantasy Football is over and Nick was VICTORIOUS!!! I never doubted him!!!!

I know he's a winner ... that's why I married him duh. Now we are $1100 richer ... ya know, what's yours is mine and all that. 

I can't remember

So do you ever get your memories mixed with someone else's?

I have a very clear memory of being a kid and my dad driving a big delivery truck. We had this "maid" (that's what she called herself, she was really a baby sitter) named Louise. I think my dad was giving her a ride home or something and the kids went with. We all thought it was cool to ride in the truck ... anyway, Louise slammed my finger in the door. I honestly thought I remembered that as clearly as it had happened yesterday. Apparently it never happened ... to me anyway. I guess it was Adrienne's hand.

Does that means I'm just getting old or stupid or ... 

I do remember another story exactly the way it happened. Do you remember those Dr. Scholls wooden sandals? LOVED THEM!!! I loved the sound they made when I walked on hard floors and I thought I was so cool when I had them on. 

I was fighting with my older sister one day and she wouldn't leave me alone so I took off my shoe and chucked it at her head. She ducked and Jeff got hit right in the nose. Blood ... everywhere. My mom took those shoes away from me and threw them in the trash!! I thought that was the meanest thing ever ... I mean didn't she know that I didn't try to hit him ... I was aiming for her. I really thought that should count for something.

I don't think Jeff's nose was ever the same.

Look at these little nuggets

Gage Christmas 2003. This was during his ninja fascination ... at least I think that's what he's doing.
Layla ... obviously Christmas 2002. She's so tiny and chubby at the same time. Love it!

Hmm ...

So it's late and I'm tired but I am a dedicated blogger.

I have absolutely nothing to say tonight.

Oh ... except this. Nick and I are going to have drinks with his high school girlfriend and her husband on Tuesday night. Nick thinks it weird that I want to meet her but my theory is this.

From what I can tell she's really cool and she should be right? I mean she dated Nick and he's cool and clearly he likes awesomely cool girls ... hello me.

I am wondering if her husband will be like Nick because I read his blog and stuff and he's all clever and funny and I think Nick is mostly clever and funny so ... 

Did I mention that I have never met her in person? I've only semi-stalked her (and I guess her husband too) a little online. I think that's okay ... I'm nosy and there is nothing wrong with that.

Oh and another thing ... I have another new blog to read! I love reading blogs almost as much as I love blogging myself. Check out the blogs that I follow.

One more thing ... tomorrow night is the end for Fantasy Football. It is going to be a LONG night. I am sure there will be screaming, hand wringing, hair pulling, and teeth grinding done by Nick ... win or lose.

I just want it to be over!

 

25 more

So I'm gonna see just how many "25 randoms" I can think of before people stop caring.

1. I have three tattoos.

2. I regret all three

3. I once had my eyebrow pierced. It hurt, it was ugly, and it got infected. Now I have a scar. Sometimes I'm a dumb ass.

4. I brake for people when I am a passenger in their car. Like I slam my foot down as if that will stop the car in case they forget or something. I get this from my mother.

5. I like to read in my hammock ... I usually end up daydreaming more than reading and I think that's why I like it so much.

6. I am a twin ... no we're not identical ... yes people ask even when they hear he's a guy.

7.  I took piano lessons when I was in middle school. I quit. See, sometimes I'm a dumb ass.

8. I've always wanted to learn sign language.

9. I hate American cheese.

10. My dad was a radio DJ when I was little and I thought he could hear me if I talked to him through the speakers. We had many one sided conversations that way. 

11. I can't drink Chardonnay. It makes me puke ... a lot ... the next day.

12. I have to listen to music to clean the house.

13. I think you can never have too many lamps.

14. I can't wait to go shopping the day after Christmas.

15. I never wear socks in the summer, spring, and most of fall.

16. I hate "close talkers". 

17. I was in labor for 13 hours with both kids.

18. I had morning sickness for the first 6 months with both pregnancies.

19. I think Nick gets better looking every year.

20. I don't think I do.

21. I used to love to cook ... not so much anymore.

22. I like mowing the yard. The lines in the grass make me feel a great sense of accomplishment.

23. I like to vacuum for the same reason. Lines in the carpet ... love it.

24. I have hundreds of photos waiting to go into photo albums. I do not have any photo albums to put them in. I should really write that on a shopping list instead of blogging about it.

25. I am still keeping that secret ... impressive huh?

 

Just Layla

I'm sorry ... but

So Nick wrote a blog today about apologies. He's not a fan. 

Here's what I think.  It drives me crazy when people say ... 

"I'm sorry ... but ..." and then proceed to give a reason that they were justified for whatever the thing is that they are apologizing for. 

An apology means nothing when there's a big fat ass at the end of it.

Christmas with Gage

So for the first time in years ... lots of years ... Gage liked his Christmas presents. He is leaving tomorrow to spend break with his Dad so we had "Christmas" with him tonight. He had real genuine smiles when he opened his presents. Eureka!!! We got it right!

Still salty

So I work at a preschool that rents a room from one of the local public elementary schools. This poses a few problems.

1. There are some serious bitches that teach at this school. I'm not sure what we ever did to these women or if they are just nasty and miserable all of the time but one day I fear I will lose my shit and say exactly what is on my mind. This would most likely result in me losing my job but I bet it would feel great.

2. We are in a classroom that has no bathroom. This means I spend a majority of my day taking kids to the bathroom down the hall. They're three, they use the bathroom A LOT!

3. The entire room is carpeted. We eat snack in our room. That may not sound like a big issue to those of you without small children but trust me, it is just a bad idea. Three year olds spill shit ... on purpose.

4. The janitor is a crabby old man. He has to clean the carpet in our room. He acts like I threw the shit down myself. I'm not sure he appreciates my sense of humor.

The janitor and I will not be friends and I will continue with my salty attitude when I return from my two week break!

Another 25 random facts

So I listed 25 random facts about myself on facebook. Here are 25 more because I am just that interesting!

1. I hate having my photo taken by someone else but I have no problem taking my own hence my love of photo booth.

2. I would much rather have people come to my house than go to someone else's.

3. I always think I want a big cup of coffee and I end up taking 2 sips and dumping it.

4. I think mini ice cream sandwiches taste better than regular sized ones.

5. My favorite color is green. It used to be purple ... my poor bridesmaids.

6. I get car sick on short trips but I'm fine on really long ones.

7. I really try to remember what it felt like to be a teenager when Gage starts acting like one.

8. Sadly, I am getting too old to remember what it felt like to be a teenager.

9. I can't drive at night because I am as blind as a bat when it's dark out. 

10. I buy a vanilla candle and a bag of white cheddar popcorn every time I go to the grocery store (every Friday)

11. My favorite movie of all time is Pretty Woman.

12. I can flip my tongue upside down.

13. If I leave them alone, my nails grow at an alarming rate ... I usually pick at them before they grow.

14. I have a really big birthmark on my butt. When I was little my mom thought it was kool-aid and tried to wash it off.

15. I have a scar on the inside of my right eyebrow from when I was four and jumped off of a couch and hit my face on a clay flower pot.

16. I have a scar on my right pinky from when I was 16 and tried to hit someone and missed. I hit a book shelf instead and it sliced my finger open.

17. My favorite t.v. show is America's Next Top Model and I'm okay with everyone knowing it.

18. I hate my job ... very much although I really like the girl I work with.

19. I sometimes wonder if we should have had another baby ... the conclusion is always the same. Thank God we stopped at two!

20. I think Nick is the funniest person I know.

21. I hate getting up early ... really, really hate it.

22. I like volunteering at Layla's school ... really, really like it.

23. I always said I would never be "that" mom who puts her kids in all kinds of activities and sports so that they're busy every day of the week. Hello, I'm "that" mom.

24. I don't enjoy big social gatherings where I don't know people. That kind of thing really stresses me out and makes my face hot.

25. I am keeping a secret right now ... I really want to tell ... but I won't. Maybe later ;)

 

I'm just tired ... damnit

 So Nick brought to my attention the fact that my language gets salty when I'm tired. I guess that's when I really start with the swearing. 

"SO! If you don't like it when I say shit, don't read it! Nobody's holding a gun to your damn head!" *

I guess I get salty when people point out my faults too. Hmm ... interesting.  

I'm still tired.

I can't wait for break so I can sleep in every day.

I am still coughing! and I mean coughing up stuff and in my non-medical opinion this shit has gone on long enough. For the love of god I am sick of coughing. The weather is really helping too. I step outside and try not to breathe but ... well ... clearly I can't NOT breathe. So as soon as that frigid shit hits my lungs I start a coughing jag that makes me double over. Good Times!!

I can't wait for break so I can sleep in every day.

*I love Nick dearly

Brownie Mama Drama

So poor Layla had a vomit-o-rama last night. At first I thought maybe she ate something bad or caught that nasty bug that has been going around but it looks like it was her cyclical vomiting again. If you know us you know all about this condition because I have bitched about it for years ... it sucks!!! If you don't know what I'm talking about here's a quick breakdown. Layla gets what is basically a migraine in her stomach which causes her to puke for hours on end almost continuously. Watching this and not being able to do anything except hold back her hair ... well ... it kind of makes me feel like a shit mom. Last night's bout was a cake walk for her compared to how bad it used to be so I guess in the grand scheme of things we can be thankful for that but still ... it sucks ass.  

 Anyway, tonight was the Brownie Christmas party and I wasn't gonna make her miss it, she's suffered enough in my opinion. She was super thrilled to be able to go even though she stayed home from school today(usually it's the rule that if you're too sick to go to school you're too sick to go anywhere else). She had fun with her girlfriends and I got to sit back and gossip with Beth. It's really the only reason I go to any meetings in the first place. 

FYI ... I would not recommend being a Brownie Troop Leader. It can really make a person uptight! 

Playoffs

So this is the most stressful time of year. Not because of the holidays ... because of Fantasy Football. Nick seems to make it to this level just about every year just to be ... well ... crushed. It was a repeat of all of those years yesterday. He sat in front of the t.v. all day screaming at his players to "DO SOMETHING!" but they just weren't doing anything. We decided to take my mom to dinner and I thought that would relax him a little. Not so much ... he actually got the shakes and the waitress couldn't come fast enough. He headed straight for the t.v. when we got home and parked there until the end. 

Now I don't watch football ... I actually hate it ... so I have no idea what needing 10 points in Fantasy Football really means but that's what he needed.

Well, hallelujah! He got those points and he won ... and I have to say ... It's about time!

Good job Nick ... whatcha gonna buy me?

Shaving ... Seriously?!?

So I realize my kid is growing up ... I got that. I know that he is turning into a young man and that before I know it he will be a  ... man. That being said ... I was not prepared to buy him shaving cream and razors ... TODAY! For the love of god he is only 13. Yep, no more whiskers on his chin. He's all baby faced again except that he doesn't look anything like a baby, little kid, even young teenager ... he looks old and I don't like it. 

Gage ... your mother is waiting in front of Victoria's Secret

So Gage went to the mall with some friends tonight. He was supposed to call at around 8:00 to get a ride home. 8:00 came and went and he didn't call so I called him. No answer. I tried again a few minutes later. No answer. I tried again a third time. No answer. I decided to leave a voice mail.

"Gage it's me. This is the third time I have called you and I'm starting to get mad. You better call me back or I'm coming to the mall and I'm gonna have them page you."

Thirty seconds later the phone rings. 

Apparently embarrassment is a great motivator.

Shopping with Nick

So Nick took the day off since the year's almost over and he has to use up his PTO. He got to do the grocery shopping with me this morning. I used to hate shopping with him because he wanted to get in and out and be done as quick as possible. He has slowed down in his old age and it is much more fun to make him wander with me. I think we went to every section of Super Target ... he wasn't necessarily happy about this but he did it anyway and didn't complain, he even got me a coffee.  

I picked up more chocolate covered cherries while Nick went back for something we forgot and that made it all worth it for him.

Now we're going to do laundry, clean the house, and wrap presents ;)

P.S. Nick has decided that he needs to lay off the junk food and start eating a little healthier. He bought salad fixings to eat at night instead of party pizzas. He did look for Red Baron breakfast pizzas though ... hmm ... not sure that fits in with the whole health kick thing ... they didn't have them anyway.

Facial Hair

So I couldn't think of a blog today so Nick gave me a topic. That's right ... we're talking about facial hair. I'm assuming Nick thinks I'm gonna blog about this whole New Year's Eve "display your facial hair" business. Um ... no thanks.

I'm gonna talk about a woman I used to work with that had a full on mustache. Oh ... and lots of whiskers on her chin. She was a perfectly nice woman and seemed intelligent but I can't imagine how she could walk around like that. She has very fair skin and very blonde hair (almost white) so I'm guessing she thought people couldn't see but really ... her mustache was better than anything Ryan has grown (okay I just had to make one little dig at him). Anyway, my point is this, facial hair on a woman is a very unfortunate thing but they sell a variety of products for said facial hair. Nair, wax, tweezers ... for the love ... if it's bad enough whip out a razor. You'd probably have to shave every day if you did that but in my humble opinion that beats having a mustache ... hands down! 

At least he's cute

So I was sitting in the office checking my email before bed the other night and Gage comes running upstairs. He's got his cell phone in his hand and he wants me to listen to "the coolest" thing ever. I was tired and crabby and didn't want to hear anything, cool or otherwise, but of course he played it anyway. At first I couldn't hear anything and then I heard what sounded like popping bubbles or something ... like gurgling water in a fish tank. We don't have a fish tank so I asked him what the hell it was. He says to me all serious, like I'm really gonna be impressed, "It's my stomach!" The kid was cracking himself up by drinking water and shaking his stomach and recording it. 

Poor Gage ... he gets his sense of humor from his mother.

Porch

So, growing up my dad was the King of the unfinished project (still is). Most houses in the neighborhood I grew up in didn't have a garage ... you just don't need them when the weather is always the same ... HOT!(I grew up in GA) We had a concrete patio off the back of our house that led to our to the driveway which led to the alley. My dad decided to turn the patio into a screened in porch. He put up all of the framework and studs and then he moved on to another project. When we would leave to go somewhere it was always a race for "shotgun" and with five kids you had to be fast ... you couldn't just call it you had to get there first. We would all run out the back door and since everyone was trying to be first we wouldn't always run through the doorway that was framed out we would just run through any old opening in the framework. It was like that for many months! 

My dad finally finished the project and screened in the porch. One day we were leaving for church and of course the race was on. My dumb ass forgot that he had put up the screen and I ran right through it. I had the little pattern of the screen on my face all through church that morning. I did get to ride shotgun though ... everybody was laughing too hard to keep running for the car.

Waiting For Payback

So I am remembering all of the crap I did when I was a teenager and wondering if Gage is doing the same stuff and we are just blind or if he's not as stupid as I was. Here is a list of examples of my extreme stupidity.

15 years old - used to steal the car ... a lot. Took my brother and 3 friends to Sonic one day and got pulled over on the way home. The cop asked for my license and registration ... I had neither, obviously. I guess I looked convincingly apologetic because he said if I made one of the kids in the backseat get out and walk (said kid had a mohawk that apparently didn't impress the cop) he would let me go with a ticket. I told the kid to get the hell out and went on my way. I got a ticket for $117 dollars* and went to school and asked everyone I knew for $1. Paid my ticket and my parents didn't find out until 2 years later when we moved to MN and I had to get a new license.  

*I'm pretty sure the cop broke more laws than I did that day.

(I know for a fact that Gage would be scared shitless behind the wheel of a car right now so I'm not so worried about this one)

15 years old - my sophomore year of high school I skipped Spanish every day (it was over lunch) and my parents never knew until the end of the year. 

(Thank God for Skyward Family Access ... he can't ever skip school)

16 years old - got so drunk at a party that I passed out and had to be carried out. I will say that that was the only time I got that drunk until I turned 21. It actually scared the crap out of me. 

(This one is actually a big question mark. I couldn't say for sure that he hasn't had a drink ... I know he's never been drunk)

14 years old - snuck out of the house just about every weekend and only got caught once ... by my dad who laughed so hard at my ridiculous attempt to hide that he almost didn't ground me ... almost. I tried to hide in a ditch under a street light ... genius. 

(Again ... a bit of a question mark. If he has snuck out he was very quiet about it but I'm gonna stay naive and think that he wouldn't dare)

The list could go on ... and on but now I'm just freaking myself out. I really hope Gage isn't as big of an idiot as I was!

Oh yeah ... sorry mom I know how much you love reading stuff like this.

I gotta get a better chair

So this computer is sucking me in to geekdom ... I don't mind. It's not a bad place. Maybe I'll learn something. There are so many things this thing can do it's amazing and I sit here for far too long playing. My butt hurts! I can't ask for a new chair for Christmas ... I already got a computer. What a dilemma.

I played with the built in web cam for ... well ... it may have been a couple of hours. I'm not sure because you kind of lose track of time in geekdom. I made everyone come in and take photos with me. Layla and her BFF thought it was fun, Nick just humored me, and Gage, poor Gage, he was thrilled! Can't you tell?

Chubby girls will make your tears dry up!

So Sue Tee came to Layla's recital (fulfilling her godmother duties) and said when Layla came out (finally ... she was almost the last to dance) that she got teary so to keep herself from crying she just had to look at one of the chubby girls. Whatever works!

Layla did a really good job and took her performance very serious! She was really good, like the best one of the whole group ... just ask any one of her relatives that went ... none of them are biased!

Thanks everyone who came and sat for TWO HOURS on hard, uncomfortable bleachers! 

 

 

So you know you're an old married couple when you spend your anniversary at dance class and choir concerts. Who really celebrates their anniversary after the first one anyway? People with no kids, lots of time they don't spend with kids, and lots of money they don't have to spend on kids ... that's who. Don't be insulted if you are one of these people ... it's not a dig ... just jealousy.

I got to watch Layla's dress rehearsal for her dance recital and it made my a little teary. If you know Layla then you know that this is a big deal. I know there are kids all over the world taking dance and participating in sports and doing these kinds of things with an audience but Layla was not one of these kids. She was an extremely shy girl until the last couple of years. I mean painfully shy ... like just the thought of dancing in front of people would make her cry ... hard. She wanted to take dance in preschool until she heard that she would have to dance in front of people and then it was a no go. She wouldn't consider it last year for the same reason. This year her BFF signed up and invited Layla to the buddy night and Layla loved it. Some of you may be thinking, no big deal, but for her ... huge. I am so glad she's confident enough to do it. I thought it would never happen. Thank God for Allie!

Tomorrow's the big day. There will be plenty of photos, I'm sure. Stay tuned!

I still look 24 ... totally

So it's my anniversary ... nine years ago ... wait ... what? It can't be nine years later because that means that I'm nine years older and I certainly don't look nine years older. Anyway ...

I love my husband more than anything in this world. He is absolutely the man that I will spend the rest of my life with.

Oh yeah ... and I will continue to age in slow motion.

Do you remember "Exclamation!"?

So when I was about Gage's age I fell in love with a fragrance. It came in a black and white bottle shaped like it's name ... Exclamation! God did I love that stuff. I wore it every day and tried to use it sparingly but really ... who's gonna smell just one squirt? Nobody, that's who. Two squirts was always a little better but I wanted people to get the full effect of the awesomeness that was Exclamation! You really can't get that without at least ten squirts ... really ... maybe more.

Now my Mom had the most sensitive nose on the planet. She always acted like I had attacked her with the bottle ... like actually hit her in the nose. She would get so mad when we all got in the car and all you could smell was my awesomeness. She would scream my name and tell me if I used that much again that I would have to walk where ever we were going. I seriously never understood what her problem was ... um ... hello ... it was AWESOME!

Fast forward to 2008 and Axe body spray. For the love of God have you ever smelled Axe? It's like getting hit in the nose with NOT AWESOMENESS! I actually told my child if he ever wears it again when I'm going to drive him somewhere that he will have to walk ... damnit!

Throw your kids in front of the tv ... we've got spying to do

So my BFF has finally given in and gotten herself on Facebook. It's not that she was ever against social networking ... just against crazies prying into her life. Her privacy settings are all in place and she is free to roam the internet ... for hours ... days ... weeks ... whatever.
It is incredibly addicting to spy on other people and see how they interact with their other friends and the more friends you get the more spying you do and the more time you spend online. Oh what a vicious cycle ... I LOVE IT and I know she will too!

What happened to my husband?!?

So I think Nick has lost his damn mind. I can't go into too many details but I will say that this will be a kick ass Christmas! (My children both know where to find this blog so I won't say anything to ruin it for them but ... seriously ... I don't know how we're gonna live up to this next year!)
Nick has always been ... we'll call it frugal. That's okay. He's more of a save for the future kind of guy and I'm a live in the now kind of girl. We were meant for each other. Well, he's come over to the dark side and brightened it up! He decided that this year he wanted the kids to have a Very Merry Christmas. Mission accomplished!
I guess he wants me to pee my pants too because we ordered an iMac today ... Merry Christmas/Happy Anniversary to me!
Now I have to clean the office because it is not nearly awesome enough for my present. This desk sucks and won't do it justice ... what a dilemma.

Um ... Seriously

So on Saturday when we were putting up the tree and decorations Nick asked if I wanted to get a poinsettia. I said no because 1) I didn't want to leave the house and 2) we already spent ungodly amounts of money on Friday.

Frank stopped by last night with a ... what? ... a poinsettia. He said Sue got them for all of the kids. Funny right?

Nick was at the Vikings game when he stopped by so I put it on the coffee table with a note saying where it came from. When I got up this morning the note was still sitting next to the plant, untouched.

Um ... this is one of those HUGE poinsettias ... ya know like .... HUGE. It's red, pink and white and it's ... well ... big.

I called Nick this morning to see if he read the note.

What note? What poinsettia?

It couldn't have been more obvious if it jumped out and bit you!

I'm not sure I'm ready

So tomorrow I have to rejoin the real world. I have been locked up in my little cocoon of sickness for the last three weeks and I am not looking forward to getting back into the grind. This week is especially busy ... want to hear all about it? That's what you're here for right?

Monday - Gage starts Monday night snowboarding after school until 10 pm. I have to get him to South Campus by 4pm ... the same time I pick Layla up from school. He has the option to take the activity bus but ... well ... duh, he can't take that ... nobody takes that! Nick has a performance test from 9 pm - 12 am

Tuesday - back to work for me, Layla has Brownies at 4 and dance at 6 and Nick has another test from 9 pm - 12 am.

Wednesday - I will be in Layla's classroom from 11 until 1. Layla has a piano lesson at 4:45 and Nick has another test from ... yep ... 9pm - 12 am.

Thursday -Happy Anniversary! Work for me, dance again for Layla, dress rehearsal(getting ready for her recital on Sat) at 6 pm, Gage has a choir concert at 8 pm. Nick may have to do a test again. He did ask for someone else to take it since it's our anniversary ... we'll see.

Friday - grocery shopping ... possibly with imaginary money since we spent it all on Christmas presents.

Saturday - Layla's dance recital at 10:30 am. I am so excited for this and I am very happy that she decided to take dance this year. I can't wait to see it!

Hopefully I can make it through all of this. I am feeling much better but I still have a horrible and incredibly inconvenient cough. I guess if that's my only complaint it's not so bad.

P.S. Nick tried to buy me a Mac on Friday and I said no ... what the hell is wrong with me??

For the love of all that is holy ... just let the girl decorate

So I have just a little bit of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I'm okay with that. There were many years that the kids never got to decorate the tree because I just couldn't stand it if the ornaments weren't spaced right, if they put an ornament where I thought it didn't look good ... ya know all the normal OCD stuff. I also wouldn't put up any homemade ornaments or anything that didn't match. It all had to be the same ball or the same snowflake or same ribbon.
The year we moved into this house I finally stopped being an idiot and let my kids decorate the tree ... like a normal person. It's not easy. It actually irritates the hell out of me but whatever ... it's freakin Christmas.
I think Layla got my freakishness and is now worried about the spacing of the ornaments. Poor girl. I really have to nip that in the bud or my grandchildren will hate me for passing on my irrational behavior to their mother.

Here she is hanging up the star.

P.S. Nick geeked out (I say geeked out because the man got far too excited about them) this year and bought LED lights and they are hideous. They're blue for crap's sake. Blue ... for the love.

$5 Wallflowers

So I stopped at Bath and Body Works this morning because they had $5 Wallflowers and refills ... $5 people! I love my Wallflowers and for $5 I will wait in line forever like a dumb ass. Of course the lines wouldn't be so long if the cashiers would take no for an answer! I wait in line for ten minutes and this is what happens at the register. She rings up my refills and says ...

"Can I get your home phone number with area code?"

"No" I said

"But we don't sell it to anyone"

"I don't give out my phone number"

"We only use it to send you coupons"

"Okay that doesn't even make sense and like I said, I don't give out my phone number"

"But it's a really good deal"

"Okay, seriously ... I do not give out my phone number"

"But we're supposed to ask everyone for their phone number"

"Well you did ask but that doesn't mean that I have to give it to you to shop here does it?"

"Well, I guess not but I really think you should, it's a really good deal"

"Okay, I have no idea what that means but I don't give out my phone number. Could you please just give me my receipt?"

"Okay!" said all bright and cheery like "Can I get your email address?"

"Oh my God ... do you see the line behind me? You could have helped like three people in the time that you have asked me for my info after I said no ... do you see a problem with that?"

"So does that mean you don't want to give us your email address?" said with utter sincerity

"Can I please have my refills ... please?"

"Okay, thanks so much for shopping here and have a great day" again with the bright and cheery

Maybe I'm just a cranky person but that was maddening!! Maybe I should have just given her my damn phone number but ... well ... I didn't want to and this happens every time I go in there. Why don't I stop shopping there you say? Because I am addicted to the freakin Wallflowers!

Now I'm off to Ikea (Icrapa as Nick calls it) to shop with Diane. They only ask for your zip code ;)

Happy Thanksgiving!

So it's probably not very original to write about what I'm thankful for but ... gonna do it anyway.

I am thankful that I am married to such an amazing man and that he is such a great father to our children. He always puts us first and makes sure we know every day how much he loves us.

I am thankful for my smart, funny and sometimes jerky son. He likes to debate (that's a nice way of saying argue) with us but is learning that sometimes we are right. *gasp* He changes a little bit every day and the person that he is becoming is awesome.

I am thankful for my beautiful, sweet and sometimes moody daughter. She is growing up fast and learning new things every day. She is smart and funny and we're lucky to have such an awesome kid.

I am thankful for all of my family (and there are lots of them).

I'm thankful that my mother in law made it through another health scare. I think she's met her quota for the next few years and deserves to be healthy for a good long time.

I am thankful that I will be seeing my parents next month ... it's been a long time!

I am thankful for my BFF ... we get to be completely unreasonable with each other and spare our husbands the drama.

Last but not least (and I hope I'm not jinxing myself) I'm thankful that I have turned a corner and am not hacking up my lungs right now. I didn't cough once while I wrote this! Does that mean it's safe to have a few drinks with dinner tomorrow?!? I'll let you know.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The %&@*#$! Coughing

So I'm going on day TEN here and I'm not sure I can take it anymore. Ten straight freakin days of coughing (not just coughing but serious hacking) is really starting to drive me out of my freakin mind!!!! My stomach, chest, ribs ... even my jaw is sore from coughing. If I start laughing (which does not happen very often right now) I end up on the freakin ground. I just can't impress upon you the severity of my freakin coughing ... it's almost all freakin day. Out of an hour I must be coughing for at least 30 minutes if not more. That is not an exaggeration or me being extra whiney it is the GOD AWFUL truth. Gage actually got a little freaked out yesterday because I could not stop for almost five full minutes. Have you ever coughed for five full minutes? If you have you know how much it sucks ... if you haven't let me tell you ... when you come up for air after five full minutes of coughing all you see are little sparkly spots all over the place from lack of oxygen and so you start to spin just a little and you kinda gotta put your head down and wait it out a minute (that is if you don't have another coughing attack within that minute). Wanna know how many times I coughed while I was writing this?? I LOST FREAKIN COUNT! I'm ready to be done now ... any time.

Conferences

So we had Layla's conference last night and Gage's this morning. They both went really well and all of the teachers had nothing but good things to say about them.
Layla is reading at a fifth grade level and her math and language are at a fourth grade level. Her teacher even said that she saved Layla's conference for last so that she could end on a high note and be in a good mood when she left school.
Gage's teachers all said the same thing. He is a really good student and he's a joker but he knows when to stop joking and start working. His math teacher said that he needs to tone it down in her class because some days she likes to joke and some days she doesn't and he hasn't figured out how to read her mood yet. Overall they said the same thing: He has a lot of friends, is a leader, really likes to participate in class discussions (even starting discussions in some classes) and is a good student. They all said they really like Gage and are glad to have him in their class.

Oh yeah ... Layla got an E in PE. Gage never got an E in PE in the four years he went there. Ha Ha

Alert The Press!!

So ... I'm not coughing up nasty "stuff" this morning! Hallelujah! I feel like I got run over with a Mac truck but there is no more mucus leaving my body through my mouth so I'll take it (I know, I know that was disgusting but so very true). Do you know what eight straight days of continuous coughing/hacking does to you? It hurts ... duh.
I think at this rate I will be able to enjoy that Thanksgiving dinner. Again ... Hallelujah and thank you to the miracle that is antibiotics.

* False Alarm ... 30 minutes later and definitely still coughing up "stuff". It will stop soon though ... I can feel it.*

Still Sick ...

So I feel like I've been sick forever! I finally went to the doctor after the worst night of my life. Thank God for Nick because I really thought I was going to die. Dramatic ... I know but I was really really sick. I couldn't breathe and I had a crazy pain in my back and chest. I thought I was having a heart attack and if you know my family history you know it's not really all that unreasonable of a fear. Nick called the nurse line at 1:00 a.m. and talked to someone. I'm not really sure what she said and Nick said that it didn't really make much sense and it was hard to hear her so it didn't really do any good.
I sat in the bathroom while the shower ran as hot as it would go until it ran out of hot water and then I had my head over the humidifier for awhile. I never did go back to sleep ... I just tried to wait it out until morning because I didn't want to sit in an ER all night.
Our fantastic neighbors took Layla in the morning so we could go to the clinic and I got my diagnosis. Pneumonia and a probable cracked rib which was causing the pain in my back and chest. My symptoms suggested a cracked rib but apparently unless it is pretty severe it doesn't show up on an x-ray. I did get a demonstration with a tongue depressor from my very funny doctor. Either way there is no treatment for a cracked rib so he gave me my meds for the pneumonia and sent me on my way. Did I mention that all of the poking and prodding (swabs up my nostrils and down my throat and checking out my back and chest) was just as uncomfortable as a pap? It was not pleasant.
The antibiotics are already doing their job and the Ibuprofen (now that I'm taking the right amount ... Thanks Kathy!) is taking care of my back. I slept for fourteen pain free hours last night (I did wake up twice to take more Ibuprofen because it really works when you take the right dose ... again ... Thanks Kathy!)
Hopefully I'll be feeling back to normal by Thanksgiving so I can eat the meal that Nick will slave over and then have dessert with my family.

I think something died in the basement

So this morning I went downstairs to get the little fake pine trees for the planters in front of the house out of storage. When I got to the top of the stairs and was about to head down I had to stop and catch my breath ... literally. The smell coming from the basement ... not good. As I sniffed my way down I headed straight into Gage's room. Um ... seriously ... I know he showers daily and he's not a dirty guy by any means but my God ... the smell ... I've got no words. Maybe it was the piles and piles of clean/dirty laundry all mixed up together. Maybe it was the garbage that was all over the room. Maybe it was the dirty dishes stacked strategically over the tiny spaces that were clear of said garbage and clothes. Or maybe, just maybe it was all of the above ... ya think? I'd be willing to bet my life's savings that if I told him to clean his room today when he gets home that he would give me that disgusted look that only a thirteen year old can give you and tell me very smugly that his room is in fact clean.
Maybe has no sense of smell.

Oh that Gail

So unfortunately my mother in law is in the hospital tonight getting her ticker looked at and fixed up again. Well, I guess it's fortunate that they're fixing her up but unfortunate that she's stuck in the hospital again. I think a trip to the book store for the latest gossip rags is in order. Anyway, Gail got dropped off here instead of her house to hang out until Frank had a little more info. She was pretty nervous and kind of quiet but with Gail you never know if she's gonna be chatty or not so we just sat with her and asked her questions about her day. Frank called with an update and talked to Gail to let her know what was going on. He told her Sue would be coming home on Saturday and that was all Gail needed to hear. She got happy and smiley and was all ready to chat us up after she heard the good news. Here's the story she told right after hanging up with Frank.

"He's mean to me"

"Who's mean to you?"

"Buster!" (that's Frank for those of you who don't know)

"How is he mean to you?"

"He hits me!" said with a frown but also with a grin if that's possible

"He hits you? What do you mean he hits you"

"Well, he doesn't hit me but he pushes me!"

"Well how does he push you?"

"When I'm in the bathroom he pushes me!"

"Well, I don't get it Gail, how does he push you?"

"Out of the bathroom"

"Oh you mean like he has to use the bathroom so he's making you get out?"

"Yes" said with satisfaction that I finally understood and sympathized

"Well Gail you guys only have one bathroom. How long did you make him wait?"

"Only two hours!"

"I agree completely Gail ... Frank should really learn some patience!"

Empty Threats

So I found a way to make Gage flip his "puberty switch". When he's being disrespectful, stupid or assholish (I love the kid but he can definitely be an asshole) I just throw out an empty threat. Dangerous, you say? Not very smart, you're probably thinking. Well folks, I've discovered it's a win/win! All I have to say is "If you don't start being nice right now you don't need to call me after school tomorrow to see if you can hang out with ____ because the answer will be NO!" Now I can't tell you the last time I said NO and he knows that but you can see the light go off in that head of his and he just grins and it's all good. See, he's the one that doesn't want to take the chance ... not me. WIN/WIN This teenage stuff's not so hard! (I'm sure that's some sort of jinx but I'm feeling smug about my new power so I'm gonna go ahead and leave it out there)

Happy Birthday Becky ... you're still 22 in my head :)

Lazy

So winter used to be really lazy in this house. Um ... not anymore. Our kids have taken over. We are forever carting these kids all over God's creation (well really just WBL but whatever) so that they can be ... well ... "in". Is it completely horrible to want your kids to be "in"? It might make me vain and narcissistic but I think I'm okay with that. We always said that the kids had to stick to one sport or activity per season. Granted we were disgustingly poor when we made this rule but it seemed fair and reasonable with or without the funds.
Um ... not anymore.
Gage is signed up for weight training three nights a week and snowboarding every Monday after school.
Layla has Brownies on Tuesdays, piano on Wednesdays, and dance on Thursdays.
No biggie right? WRONG! They both have homework and reading that they are supposed to do nightly and poor Layla has more homework than Gage has ever had ... in any grade! (Okay I asked her teacher to challenge her so she wouldn't get bored and she took me up on that ... I'm a freakin genius!) They both want to hang out with their friends and with Gage that usually means he wants to hang out anywhere but here with his friends which means more driving all over creation (again WBL) to pick him up. It's cold outside and damn it ... *I don't want to go pick kids up from all over ... I want to be lazy again.

*By "I" I really mean Nick of course but I still miss him when he's gone :)

Because it's funny

What's a pager?!?

So I'm home sick today ... thanks Nick ... but better me than you. I have chatted with five different people today and not heard any of their voices. I love my computer.
It made me think about when I was a kid and I had a pager. My Dad worked in the paging industry so, of course, I had a pager. I thought that was the height of technology not to mention the fact that I thought I was so freakin cool. I can only imagine if I tried to give Gage a pager.
"Mom, seriously, what am I supposed to do with this thing? You can't even talk on it! There is no way I'm carrying that thing around!"
Just another thing to make me feel old!

Reminiscing ... Gage 6th to 8th grade and Layla preschool to 2nd grade

Flu Shot

So I got my flu shot on Friday. I was grocery shopping at Super Target and stopped at their clinic. I think it took about five minutes from start to finish. I always feel kind of invincible after I get my flu shot like I'm all protected so ... bring it on. Yeah, not so much. Of course I get sick after I "protect" myself. I've got like the sandpaper throat and the pounding headache and I pretty much feel like crap. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the flu shot and more to do with the fact that Nick was sick all last week and I probably got it from him but still ... I'm blaming it on the damn shot.

On a brighter note ... Nick won most points in Fantasy Football this week and I think he said he won his division. That means he at least made his money back! YEAH!!! See ... I listen.

Crash

So this dog RULES! He smells bad and his breath is ripe but he is the sweetest dog on the face of the Earth.

Turkey, Layla and Goose

Obsession

So a friend was telling me about the Twilight series and how much she loved it. She said that she is not a big reader since she has to read so much for school but she read the entire series in a few days. Of course I had to go out and buy the books. I bought the first one on Wednesday afternoon and finished it on Thursday after work. I bought the rest of them yesterday morning and I finished the second one and now I'm on to the third. I think I am a little obsessed but that's okay ... Gage says all of the girls at his school are obsessed too. For the love ... what am I ... thirteen?

P.S. The friend that told me about the books is an actual grown up so I feel a little better about it.

My husband is the shiz-nit

So a couple of months ago Nick picked Layla up from school because I was sick. He was waiting in the front hall when a woman came up to him and said his name all excited like and he had no clue who she was. She went on to explain that they went to high school together and pretty much every other detail of her life including the fact that she is divorced. I guess she was a "close talker" too and if you know Nick you know that shit makes him uncomfortable especially when he still didn't remember who she was. Now, I wasn't there so I'm taking his word for it that the whole exchange was weird, uncomfortable and gave him a creepy vibe. So last night he logged into Facebook and there was a friend request from her. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. He was like "OH NO ... SHE FOUND ME!!" and almost jumped out of his chair like she could see him or something and his face actually turned a little white. Needless to say, he did not accept her friend request. Let's hope she doesn't sub in Layla's class.

She snuck in there

So I look just like my Dad and his side of the family ... no question. There's not a whole lot of my Mom in me (well on the outside anyway). The other day a girl I work with, who has been looking at engagement rings with her boyfriend, asked to see my ring. When I held out my hand I saw my Mom's hand in front of me. It was the weirdest thing because it really looked just like her hand and I couldn't believe I never noticed it before. It made me happy.

Teepants

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BFF!!!

Because I know you're on the edge of your seats

So I'm sure you're all dying to hear about my time in Layla's class today. Well, it wasn't all that exciting but there is drama, that is if you think an infestation of head lice is drama. Well ... I DO! My dear sweet little girl has been painstakingly growing her hair for almost two years so that she can donate it to Locks of Love. When I say it was painstaking I am not being a drama queen ... it has sucked. Her hair gets tangled and messy and gets wrapped around her earrings when she sleeps and it takes buttloads of shampoo to wash it and even more conditioner to keep it from being a rats nest. She has wanted to give up and cut it many times but she didn't. Now I have to worry about head lice! Her school has had a constant lice problem this year. There has not been a class that hasn't had at least one kid who has it ... not one class! Is your head itching yet? I check her head constantly and I keep having horrible dreams that there are little bugs leaping and jumping and partying all over her little scalp. Itching now? Anyway, I sent her to school this morning with all of her gear in one of those giant Ziplock storage bags. She has strict orders to put all of her things in that bag unless they are on her body. She is not to let her hat, jacket, gloves, scarf, or snow pants (because of course it snowed last night) touch anyone else's aforementioned things!
On a more cheerful note: She and her BFF got to play the Wii with their gym teacher as a prize for being the winners of a scavenger hunt he set up for them. Layla is the one who found the prize from the clues but, of course, wanted to share with Allie and said that they found it together.
He was astounded at their bowling ability!

Because I said so ... did I say that?

So my kid is damn clever ... really the wit is endless. It's my MOST favorite thing when he asks if he can do something or go somewhere and we say no and he asks why. It doesn't matter if he gets a reason because he'll ask again and again ...... and again until I can't take it anymore and I scream (usually at the top of my lungs) BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! That's where the clever, witty Gage kicks in. "God ... why do you have to yell at me?" Seriously!!! This happens pretty much daily. Now don't start feeling sorry for the kid ... he does plenty. Here's an example of me saying no.

He calls after school (from his cell phone that we pay for)
"Hey Ma, can I hang out with ____?"
"Sure, just be home at 6:00"
"How about 8:00?"
"No Gage, you have homework"
"C'mon Ma"
"No Gage, you have homework"
"But Mom, why can't I just hang out til 8:00?"
"Gage, I already told you ... you have homework, be home at 6:00"
"Mom c'mon, I'll do it when I get home"
"Gage I'm not going to say it again. If you want to hang out you have to be home at 6:00, otherwise come home now"
"Why Mom ... why can't I just hang out til 8:00?"
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!! EITHER COME HOME AT 6:00 OR COME HOME NOW BUT I'M HANGING UP!!!"
"God Mom, why do you have to yell at me?" (with the purest tone of innocence)

I am a fabulous Mother!!

Jim Beam?? Nope ...

So when I was a kid my Dad was a radio DJ and his name was Jack Daniels.
What would your DJ name be?

"I wish I was thirteen and knew everything"

So that is a direct quote from my Mom. I remember her saying that many many times when I was ... you guessed it ... a teenager. I always thought it was such a stupid thing to say. I mean really, I never claimed to know everything when I was a teenager. Clearly actions speak louder than words.
I never thought I would have to force my kid to wear a jacket to ride his bike to school when it is 20 degrees outside! Seriously, I had to yell at him. Apparently the jacket I bought for him sucks because I bought it at *gasp* Target. It's not a $200 jacket from freakin Zumiez so it doesn't meet his stringent standards ... those standards being that is has to be the ugliest, most hideous looking piece of poorly made clothing for him to want to wear it. (Yes Mom I remember the whole Guess jeans debacle of 1988 ... you tried ... I was a bitch)
Well, all I can do is ... be sarcastic and keep those quotes alive!! I love you Mom!!

"I wish there was a puberty island"
"All the little babies in heaven waiting to be born and I got you" (said with nothing but love)
"I wish I was (insert appropriate age here) and knew everything"
"Bitch and gripe, bitch and gripe, my kids love to bitch and gripe" (That one is a song to the tune of a kids song ... I can't remember the name of the song because when I hum it all I hear are my Mom's lyrics)

Headaches and Christmas Lights

So it's Sunday ... I have a headache and all I hear is the football game. Nick's not even in the house, he's getting the Christmas lights ready to hang up but God forbid he not have the football game on at all times. *He'll even come in and ask me what happened while he was out. Um ... no clue babe I don't give two shits about football.

Plans for the day ... avoid football at all costs, drink a pot of coffee and curl up to watch some girly t.v. with my favorite girl.

*He hasn't done this yet today but it's still early.

D-runk Blogging

So I'm sitting here in the pretty pretty pink home office and I was just getting ready to pass out when I thought I would blog quick. Just because.
Nick and I had a few (or more than a few) beers with Jeff and Jaime tonight. We played poker but since we left our poker chips somewhere this summer we just bet drinks. That's not so good when you're not a great poker player. I am NOT a good bluffer ... or good better ... or good player in general hence my drunken state. At least it was fun.
Nick is the second backup to go to the Vikings game with Jeff tomorrow ... here's hoping his first choice and first backup bail on him.

Hubba Bubba & Incredible Hulk

So Layla is in the green room now. That means Nick's home office is pretty pretty pink. There's still a beaded chandelier hanging in here too ... I have a feeling he will be switching that out as soon as possible.

You say potato ... I say you're saying it wrong!

So I've written many times about how different is was to grow up in the south. I told my BFF a while ago that one of the things that I can't stand (and people here do it often) is when people blow their nose at the dinner table. If you do it yourself ... more power to ya but I find it gross! It really shocked me when we moved up here and I saw, first of all, how often people were blowing their noses. It was EVERYWHERE ... at the table in restaurants, classrooms, hallways, walking through the mall ... well, you get my point. People think nothing of it and we are in the north so there is a lot of snot to get rid of ... I get that I just don't get doing it in at a table where people are trying to eat. Seriously ... listening to someone honk like a goose full of snot and start digging all up in their business isn't cool. I'm not saying everyone sounds like that but usually the ones that find it okay to blow their nose at the table are the very ones that do sound like that. If someone blew their nose at the table where I grew up I'm pretty sure that would have been grounds for some kind of punishment. It'd be kind of like farting at the table. Well, maybe not that bad but still ... gross!

So many blogs ... so little time

So I moved this blog because I wanted certain people to stop reading it and in the spirit of fairness I stopped reading theirs. I have replaced them with reading the blogs of absolute strangers and I gotta say ... I'm hooked. I don't know what it is about looking into the lives of people you don't know and finding out all sorts of crazy shit about them but I love it. It's even better when they are well spoken (written) and hilarious. It's a little addicting but it's always entertaining!

Some people weren't made for the spotlight

So it's Wednesday ... my volunteer day. So far every day has been a little different as far as what I do with the kids. Usually there is one on one reading involved out in the hallway and I did do that today but for most of the morning I was "in charge" of the class so that Layla's teacher could get ready for conferences. No biggie ... they're eight ... I got this. Layla's teacher has been reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with them and asked if I would mind reading a few chapters aloud. No problem. Then she tells me that no other parent has ever read to their class. Okay, that's cool. Then I see that I have to wear a special receiver around my neck for Layla's classmate who has a cochlear implant. Alrighty ... that is just fine. So I start reading and all of a sudden I look around and there are 30 little faces enthralled by the story and well, I just feel a lot of pressure.The very first sentence I think I say Oompa Loopa instead of Loompa. I actually start to sweat a little. I'm positive my face turned all kinds of red and just to make it even better ... my dumb ass had two pieces of Trident in my mouth and clearly I am not able to "tuck" it away like some people can because it nearly hung out of my mouth. My mouth was watering like crazy because I had just starting chewing the gum and it was all minty and shit and well, there may have been some drool. Did I mention the 30 little faces staring at me?? Yeah, it wasn't my finest moment but they were sad when I stopped reading so I'm hoping they didn't even notice my flop sweat. Better luck next time.

Did ya vote??

So it's the big day!! Layla and I got up bright and early and headed to the polls. We got there at 7:10 and were home by 8:00. They say that the wait will be longer this afternoon and evening but I hope that doesn't stop you!! Make your voice heard and get out there and VOTE!!!

Mmm Mmm Good

So Thanksgiving this year had the potential to be kind of a crappy holiday but my husband (who we have established is perfection) won't have that. He announced at dinner the other night that he will be preparing Thanksgiving dinner for us and he just wants to hang out here and spend the day together. He's delicious!!

Remember when??

So it's common knowledge that Gage is a catcher in baseball. Well, I was just going through the photos that are still on the camera and I came across a couple of shots that Nick and Gage both agreed there was no need to capture on film. I, as a mother, am always thinking of capturing photos that I can tell a story with. For instance, "Gage do you remember when you were thirteen and you were catching and you took a pitch right to the balls?" I do and you can too because it's on film. The boys seem to think that there will never be a time that Gage will be reminiscing and thinking ... man, I wish I had a photo of the time I got hit in the nuts. I say ... just in case, I was there with the camera!! I'm just sayin' it's best to be prepared.

*** Yes he was wearing protective gear ... sometimes stuff sneaks through***

WTF???

So I wanna know what's up with all of the parents driving their kids all over town to trick-or-treat. What the hell is wrong with people?? These kids are going to get pounds of candy ... pounds!! You really don't think a nice brisk walk might be a good idea??? It wasn't unbearably cold last night ... in fact it was downright pleasant so I'm not understanding the need for the car. Was it so that you could double or triple the amount of candy?? Probably and let me just say that these are the kids that don't need it in the first place!!!! Clearly excercise is not a priority for them ... hence the driving ... so do you really think it's a good idea??

Well, Layla and Gage had fun and Layla got a freakin' buttload of candy (walking). I think Gage was more just hanging out with his friends but he did get a small bag of candy. It was a good night!

Happy Halloween

Layla picked a costume this year that couldn't be cheaper ... LOVE IT!!!

School Pictures

So Layla brought home her school pictures today. Too cute. I always frame a 5x7 of Gage's and Layla's next to each other on the piano and I just keep stacking them inside the frame so that I can look back on all of them. Gage looks like a completely different person this year but Layla just looks like Layla with longer hair. It's a big toothless grin picture and I love it!!

My kids are growing up so fast but as Kathy reminded me ... I was popping out babies in my twenties instead of dating and drinking. I get to date (Nick, of course) and drink (cuz I don't do that now) in my forties when my kids are grown. That's right all of you with your little ones ... I'm done in just about ten years!

I just realized that in ten years Gage will be almost 24!!! Holy Crap!!!!

Warning: I'm On My Soapbox ... You May Want To Stop Reading Now

So I did my Wednesday volunteering in Layla's class this afternoon. I read with a couple of groups of kids. They were reading a first grade level book and what should have taken ten minutes to read took more than thirty. Layla's teacher came out into the hall just as they were finishing to see if the book was too hard for them. The kids went back into the class and I told her that it was very frustrating to read with these kids because I feel bad for them. It is clear that their parents don't read to/with them ... ever. That may sound all judgey-mcjudgerson but it's just the way I feel. Anyway, her teacher agreed and said she wanted to show me something. Now, she's not really supposed to show me this but I have known her for years (she was Gage's teacher) and she knew that I would just look at what she wanted me to see. It was the MAP test scores for the second graders. Layla had the highest score for reading ... by far. She was so far above that she was in her own catagory. Her teacher was pretty excited that they had to create a box just for Layla!! Now you may think I'm just bragging (no shit I'm bragging) but I'm not just bragging. I just want it to be known that the only thing Nick and I did was read to her ... every night whether we felt like it or not, whether we were tired or crabby or busy ... it didn't matter. Sometimes it was a pain in the ass and sometimes none of us felt like it but look where it got her!!

Sleeepy

So I had a dream about "the conflict" last night. It was so crappy I think I actually cried in my sleep but that's not the worst part. The worst part is that I couldn't go back to sleep. There is nothing worse than laying awake in the very early hours of the morning. I'm sure I wasn't alone, I probably woke Nick up with all of my tossing and turning. So now I'm all baggy eyed and tired and I really just want to go back to bed. I hope Nick wasn't up for as long as I was or his day is going to be shit. I'm off to make a big fat pot of coffee and get Layla ready for school.

Nick ... if you're exhausted ... I'm sorry!!!

Just wondering ...

So we got a call from the Norm Coleman camp yesterday. It wasn't the automated call ... nope, it was a real live person. Of course he asked for Mrs. Diane so I asked who he was. He didn't answer he just started reading from his script. I'm not sure why I felt compelled to listen even for a minute but I'm actually glad I did. The guy made me laugh out loud. He had the worst voice EVER for the job that he was doing. It was monotone and he was mispronouncing half of the words he was reading. He was talking about unions and how Al Franklin (yes, he said Franklin) is bad for unions and Franklin this and union that. I finally said "Dude, his name is Al Franken." I couldn't help but laugh when I said it and clearly it didn't hurt his feelings because he laughed too. I said "Okay, I'm gonna hang up now." and he said "Yeah, (chuckle, chuckle) I guess you are."

I'm just wondering ... do you think he got it right after that??

Are you ready to ROCK???

So I pre-ordered Guitar Hero so that I would not have to wait like everyone else. Smart right? Not so much. It came out yesterday and while Layla and I were at Super Target yesterday afternoon we saw four of them. I thought it was no big deal because surely Best Buy would be shipping ours out today. Not so much. I got an email this morning that they would ship it in two weeks. Two weeks!! No way. I started calling Target stores and the one closest to me had one and the guy even said he would hold it for me. Layla and I went before school this morning, wet hair and all, and picked one up. Now I'm gonna finish this blog and clean the house and my reward will be putting it all together and rockin out ... all by myself. Maybe I'll be a pro by the time the kids get home. I better get to it!

P.S. Yes ... I realize I am a huge dork.