Black Friday Door Busters Can Kiss My Ass And Here's Why....

*Warning: This post contains strong language. Because I was pissed when I wrote it, that's why.*

So I always shop on Black Friday but I go the sane route and wait until mid morning to go anywhere. I still get good deals on the stuff that I probably shouldn't be buying anyway.

This year I'm not sure what I was thinking but I decided that if Target was going to open at midnight then surely they would want me to be there. So my dumbass decided to go wait in line.

I was with my sister, her (future) step-daughter, Kyra, and Gage. We got there at 11:30. The line wrapped around Target and the strip mall that is next door. Whatever, no big deal, we'll wait.

So...we wait. Gage abandons me immediately for friends he hasn't seen in a while and we start up a conversation with the woman in front of us. That's no biggie until the lady lights up a cigarette.

Let me stop and say now that I was a smoker for too many years and would smoke where I wanted and when I wanted and if you said anything about it I probably didn't really care.

As a former smoker you'd think the smell wouldn't bother me but in fact I feel like if she doesn't finish soon I might just puke up my vanilla latte on her feet.

And...she's done. Thank God. Except, oh wait. She's a chain smoker. Oh.

We can't be friends anymore. No more witty banter with you lady. I'm talking to this lady behind me who is equally disgusted. I like her.

But wait. What is this? The line is moving. Well, at least she'll have to put her cigarette out. Or she'll smoke ALL THE WAY TO THE DOOR. Whatever, I'm done with her.

And, we're in. So now what do we do. The 150 people that were in front of us in line are already in line to check out and you can't see a single face through all of the 46" T.V.'s in their carts.

We head back to electronics and just as quickly WALK AWAY because every person in this store is clearly mentally challenged, employees and shoppers alike. Does this employee standing in the middle of the aisle really need to scream in people's faces that "THE LINE STARTS OVER THERE AND JUSTIN WILL TAKE THE NEXT PERSON NOW!!!" Does this customer really need to argue with her about how RIDICULOUS THEIR SYSTEM IS? I really don't think so. Plus that lady is a lot bigger than you, guy, and it looks like you're really starting to piss her off so if I were you I'd get in line and wait until Justin is ready for me.

We quickly grabbed our crap and headed for the check out. Except where the hell is the line for the check out? I see a line snaked around a few aisles and start to follow it. I keep walking....and walking....and walking...and, what the hell! It snakes all the way back to ELECTRONICS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? This is where we fucking started.

Now what the hell do we do? Well, if you're me (very impatient) and my sister (maybe even more impatient) you put your shit down where you're standing and leave.

That's right. I said it. We left.

Because we're that smart.

To Stay Or Not To Stay

So if you know me than you probably know that I did not spend my childhood in Minnesota. I spent it in the complete opposite climate of Southern Georgia. Moving here was shocking to say the least. I was 17 when we moved to the tundra and that means I've been here almost 20 years.

I still hate it.

Snow is pretty to look at. And that's all I appreciate about it. And even then, it's only pretty when it first falls. The day after it's brown and dirty and gross.

I don't mind the cold. But cold stops being cold at around 30 degrees. Anything below that is not just cold but unreasonably harsh and painful.

And I could talk about wind chill factors but, seriously, that's just depressing so I'll skip it.

So do I stay in the frozen tundra of a state or do I convince my loving, amazing, perfect husband that we were not meant to live out our years here but somewhere....tropical?

I think it's pretty obvious!

Oh Layla

So today Layla turns 11. Might as well be 21. She is growing up too fast for me. I'm not a fan. Although...

She gets sweeter every day. She gets more beautiful every day. She gets more mature every day.

I love the person she is turning into. She's pretty amazing already, I can't imagine what her future holds.


Happy Birthday Baby!!

Dancing Queen

So when she was little she would dance all over the house and wanted to be a ballerina for Halloween.



She took a dance class a while back but quit when she got bored. She went to a few classes with a friend this summer and decided she wanted to try it again. These girls were doing things she had always wanted to do. So she worked at it. She did stretches and workouts in the basement all summer.



Once she could do this there was no stopping this kid. She is in love with dance and getting better every day.

Seriously, how beautiful is my Dancing Queen?

My Awesome Kids

I Miss My Kid

So...that's it.

I just miss him.

And I wish he hadn't decided to live so far away from me.

My heart hurts.

What Did He Decide?

So he's leaving. He has decided to live with his dad. And, honestly, I'm okay with it. Don't get me wrong, it took some time but I have decided that it's not all about me and if he thinks this is what he needs to do than I will support him. I'll miss him but I'll support him.

While the negatives are quite obvious and need no explanation I have discovered there are a few positives.

As Layla says, we'll have more food! We'll have less laundry! We'll have a cleaner downstairs bathroom!

And we get to devote more time and attention to Layla.

But best of all (and this still doesn't outweigh the negatives but it's nice) Nick and I get to spend more time together. Not only that but it will be time spent not arguing about Gage.

Imagine that.

Life Changing

So I remember being sixteen and what it felt like. It was a roller coaster...daily.

I remember hating my parents one second and wanting to still be able to fit in my mom's lap the next.

I remember thinking I had the worst life in the world one second and not wanting to change a thing about it the next.

I remember being heartbroken one second and having a brand new crush the next.

I remember wanting to run away one second and never wanting to leave the next.

This is why you don't make life changing decisions when you are sixteen. But I've gone ahead and let my sixteen year old make one. I said goodbye to him this morning for at least the rest of the summer, which I can deal with, and possibly for good, which I can't.

He has the next couple of weeks to decide if he wants to live with his dad. Three hours north of here. I have said no every time the subject was brought up before because I don't want to live three hours away from my boy but...

Now it's up to the sixteen year old.

Layla in Photos

One Day

So there have been many, many times that I would have liked to write about what it's like to co-parent with someone that doesn't live with you and your child.

And one day I will.

And it will be a very long post...

Epiphany

So I used to think about the first boy I fell in love with constantly when we were dating. Like, oh, just wondering what he was doing. Who he was with. If I would see him soon. If he was thinking warm, fuzzy thoughts about me.

I'm betting he only thought of me if I was standing in front of his face. Or making out with him but maybe not even then.

Where did I come up with this you ask?

I now have a son the same age that I was when I was pining away for my first love.

I get to see the male perspective.

If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have wasted so much time.

Just sayin'.

Suck It "D"

So I slept. It's warm. I got a tan. I watched some great baseball. Watched a few funny movies. Hung out with friends and family.

And that's how you kick depression right in the ass.

The "D" Word

So here's the thing about depression. It's sneaky. I don't know it's coming until it's already here.

It starts with the messed up sleep. It can take a while but after a month or two of really crappy sleep I realize that I'm exhausted. Then that's all I can think about. When can I sleep again. I could nap like a toddler but then I'll never sleep at night so that's not the best idea. I could concentrate really really hard on something to dream about when I go to bed at night and maybe that will help except that once I start that I can't turn my brain off again. So that's a horrible idea.

After a few weeks all I can think about is how much I really want to sleep...that's when I just get sad. Blue. Down. Hopeless.

Then I just want to be alone. I don't want to be around anyone but my family. I don't want to get dressed. I don't want to do anything. But sleep.

So please excuse me if I'm being a loner. It's just that depression sneaked up on me and now I have to kick it's ass.

Hopefully it won't take too long.

I Hate This Place

So last Tuesday it got up to 89 degrees. Right now...45 degrees.

I will be looking at property in Arizona.

I could go for a nice dry heat

Gage

So it happened again. Gage got another year older. Another year of the confusing, maddening, exciting, terrifying teenage years has come to an end. Will 16 be better or worse? Less mood swings or more? Less hilarity or more? Less fear every time he leaves the house or more? (I already know the answer to that one.)

I love the person he's been and the person he's turning out to be.

New Obsessions

So these are my new obsessions.

Alexia Hashed Browned Potatoes and Poached Eggs (so incredibly good)

Knit Mini Skirts and Dresses from H&M (super comfy and inexpensive)

Pedicures and Sandals (bright red nails and gladiator sandals)

Clinique Long Last Glosswear "Air Kiss" (not too sticky)

Ranch Sunflower Seeds (um...it's baseball season)

Burned Belly

So it's finally really Spring. The first thing I do in the Spring is lay out for a few days straight so that I don't look like a ghost anymore. Mission accomplished. Now I look like a Twizzler. I burned everything that the light saw.

The light has not seen my belly in years so until now it has stayed pasty white. Now...not so much. It is burned to a crisp.

And I like it.

False Positive

So Gage does NOT have Lyme Disease. His doctor called and said the first test was a false positive, the second showed no Lyme Disease.

Good right?

Except...what the what is wrong with him??

Gage

So after only two days on antibiotics his shoulders are feeling much better. I am so glad we found out what is wrong with him!

28 days

So, I really wasn't prepared for the message I got tonight saying that Gage tested positive for Lyme Disease.

He starts Doxycycline tomorrow, twice a day for 28 days.

28 days. Is a long time.

The Indestructible Goldfish A.K.A. Lisa and Swimmy

So apparently they're not indestructible. Cause they're dead. Both of them. I came up from doing laundry and they were both floating belly up. The super dirty bowl might have had something to do with it. Or the fact that one of us usually forgets to feed them. But I'm gonna say that it was the fact that they were like 350 years old in fish years.

I would bet my entire fortune (roughly $50 at the moment) that neither of the kids will notice until some time next week, maybe not even that soon.

Too Much Togetherness

So sometimes being with the one you love is just plain annoying. Doesn't mean you don't love them. Just means THEY NEED TO GO TO WORK.

Reasons I Am Not A Great Vegetarian

So I thought I should share that there is not enough mustard in the universe to make SmartFood "protein links" taste anything like a hot dog. It's like Tofu crossed with Vienna Sausages, same taste and texture. Disgusting.

Oh and Tofu...you can suck it. I obviously have no idea how to prepare you because you always turn out the same. A soft/mushy/spongy/tasteless blob. We're finished.

Boca and Morningstar Farms are saving me from giving in and eating a big ol' juicy burger. Not that their stuff tastes like real meat either but at least you can chew it. That's something.

Oh and I guess I'm not a real vegetarian because I am eating fish. And can I just say that if I wasn't eating fish I think I would have perished by now. Seriously. Well not seriously but my family might have killed me for all the bitching and complaining I was doing so you see why I need the fish.

Also, I really miss sugar. Did I mention that I'm not eating processed foods? I miss them. A veggie tray is not nearly as appealing as a box of Girl Scout cookies but while my family enjoyed their Thin Mints and Samoas I sat by picking broccoli out of my teeth.

In case you were wondering...I'm really happy with my decision to completely change my lifestyle and eating habits. I'm happy about what it's done for my health (I dropped my total cholesterol by 30 points). That does not mean that I won't complain about it though.

Obviously.

Currently Obsessed With...

So when I find a song that I like I play the hell out of it, just ask anyone that lives in this house. Currently obsessed with Adele. Obsessed. Love her!

I'm the same with food. Currently obsessed with parmesan crusted tilapia.

Kind of getting out of control with shoes. Currently obsessed with heels, the higher the better.

I stopped drinking pop and coffee and started drinking tons of water. Currently obsessed with sugar free tropical punch flavor packets.

Getting ready for Spring. Of course that means I need a new wardrobe. Currently obsessed with online shopping. Oh lord...I can't stop. They make it far too easy.

Now if I could just get obsessed with working out again...

Date Night = NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!

So it's Friday, we have actual plans, like for real reservations. Gage is gone and Layla has a sleepover planned.

We should NEVER plan anything. It never works. I'm guessing it will be years before it ever does.

Layla is burning up and has been sleeping most of the day. There is no sleepover happening for her anytime soon.

I guess I can date my husband when the kids are grown.

I Did It

So I met every goal that the insurance company so kindly set for me.

Blood Sugar, BMI, Weight, Blood Pressure...all good.

And. I kicked Cholesterol's ass.

Little Kids Are Loud

So the family came over tonight and I still can't hear. My ears are ringing. Seriously.

The screaming is insane and I'm pretty sure they were using their inside voices.

My kids are awesome. My kids are old and quiet.

Meat and other things I'm not eating anymore

So Nick and I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise more. I know, it seems like everyone is but our motivation is purely money.

We pay an ungodly amount of money for our health insurance (I know, everyone does) but we can earn points to get us discounts on our premiums for next year. This means it's all a numbers game.

BMI, Blood Pressure, Blood Sugar, and Cholesterol.

BMI - check

Blood Pressure - check

Blood Sugar - check

Cholesterol - Damn near impossible. Thanks Dad for passing that one on to me (oh, and the bags under my eyes)

So I'm off meat. I'm off refined sugar. I'm off flour. I'm off processed foods. Basically if it tastes really good and is really bad for you I'm not eating it.

My physical is on Monday and no matter what my numbers are I think I'll keep going for at least a year to see if it really can make a big difference.

A year is a long time.

We'll see.

I hate Minnesota

So I looked outside when I woke up and it's the same as every other day. Dirty gray ground. Dirty gray sky. No sun...just gray.

I really, really hate this place.

C'mon Spring

No Title

So this week is kind of a huge slap in the face that says "Your little boy? Not so little anymore!"

He started his first job on Tuesday. He got his braces off today. He's got a behind the wheel tomorrow.

It's like everything that makes him a kid is gone now.

I miss this.



P.S. 13 hours of labor. That is all I will say about my appearance.

Tardy's and A's

So I got an email early this afternoon from Gage's American History teacher informing me that Gage has been tardy too many times and now has a detention. This is not new information. He's late. Always late. He swears it's impossible to get there on time. I'm sure it is when you're in the hall talking, texting, chewing gum that you're not supposed to have because you have over $5000 worth of orthodontia in your mouth, and you could care less if you actually make it to class at all.

He'll serve his detention at 7am and he'll probably get a few more before the year is over. He honestly doesn't care.

Me? I guess I'm fine with it. He's the one that suffers. The thing that gets me is that he is capable of being late. I do not have that capability. I feel panicked if I'm not at least 10 minutes early for something. Anything really. I can't imagine being late to a class. I would die if I had to walk in and it had already started. Hello red face! I guess I'm glad he's not all shy and anxious like me.

Later this afternoon I got a phone call from Layla's teacher. He was calling to tell me that she got an A on her science test. This test was to name all the bones in the human body and she only got two wrong. She did not get her smarts from me. Maybe the ability to memorize, and I guess that was a huge part of it but I can't take any credit for her genius.

When I picked her up from school and told her about the call she was surprised. She was disappointed about her grade and was already planning to retake the test. She wanted 100% and that's what she's determined to do.

Umm...she definitely did not get that from me!

P.S. I'm a little bitter about Gage and the chewing gum thing. But I'm sure that didn't come through at all.