So I went to the dentist this morning. Just my 6 month cleaning... no biggie. Well, except for the conversation I knew I had to have about a little oral surgery. See, I have these bones in my mouth that everyone has but mine grew bigger than most people's. Actually, they're pretty freakin' huge. Anyway, these bones have grown at an alarming rate and are now so big that they have to be removed. Umm... yeah... bone removal sounds painful and that's before they tell you how they do it.
See, they cut the skin away from the bone and fold it back. Then they chisel... yeah, I said chisel... the bone away. They put the skin back over and sew it up. Then I guess you really shouldn't eat solid food for awhile so that it can heal properly. Wanna know what "awhile" is?
4 weeks. Jesus Christ... 4 weeks!!!
I'm thinking I don't have that kind of self control and I will totally cheat... right?
Nope. They take cheaters into consideration and they wire their jaws shut. So there.
I just have a few concerns about this whole wired jaw thing.
-How the fuck do you brush your teeth?!? I realize you can brush the outside of your teeth but there's no way to get in there and really brush your teeth... that can't be good!
-How do you speak without sounding like a complete and total idiot?!? Did you just try it?
-How do you not turn into a huge, crabby, irritable bitch?!? (I really don't see any way outta that one)
-The minute you're able to eat solid food do you gain back all the weight you're bound to lose plus 20lbs?!?
There seem to be many reasons NOT to have the surgery but I think the reason they gave me TO have the surgery outweighs them all.
If I don't do it they will just keep growing until it pokes out my cheeks all crazy like and I'll be really scary looking. Oh, and unless they get rid of them every time they have themselves a little growth spurt the pain will be pretty intense and my gums will split open.
Oh yeah... and Gage needs braces. OF COURSE!
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