Table of Doom

So there's a table in this house and it's out to get everyone that comes near it. It's goal is to injure anyone that dares comes close to it.

Oh Jill, that's ridiculous you say. A table can't hurt anyone.

Exhibit A.



Do you see that giant ear sticking out? Well it's not always that big. In this photo it's swollen. Why is it swollen? Because the table attacked it! Layla was playing in a laundry basket by the table, lost her balance, and fell. The corner of the table went THROUGH HER EAR! Straight through to her head. Thank you Table of Doom for the photo op. Layla's first stitches.

Exhibit B



Okay, so I really don't have a photo of the actual injury but this photo is important. Do you see this cutie little baby in his sweet little bouncy chair? Thank God for that bouncy chair. He was sitting in that chair when Layla opened the top of the table (Table of Doom is also a chest). The hinge broke and the lid flipped all the way over to hit Gavin in the head. I say thank God for the bouncy chair because it probably would have cracked his head open if the chair hadn't bounced to take the brunt.

Exhibits C,D,E,F...etc.

There is no photographic evidence of the injuries that nieces, nephews, godchildren and neighbors have received from falling on, stubbing their toes on, cracking their heads on that table.

My final piece of evidence. Just this last weekend Layla was attacked by the damn thing again.



Her BFF slept over and they slept on the couch. I guess Layla woke up in the middle of the night and fell off the couch and OF COURSE hit her eye right on the table. You can't tell so much in the photo but the kid has a black eye.

Here it is. The Table of Doom. I think it's going in our next bonfire.