Math Is Not My Strong Suit

So...I changed high schools five times in four years. I wasn't too happy about that and decided school sucked and I learned everything I needed to know and...I dropped out.

Worst decision ever. Not because it has affected the course of my life really. I was a waitress for awhile and then worked for my dad. After I got married and had Layla I stayed home. So you see, not having a high school diploma didn't really matter much. It was the worst decision ever because it is embarrassing. I think more embarrassing to my kids than to me.

It's not that I struggled in school or wasn't smart enough to finish, I just got bored and sick of all of the moving around and not finding my place in high school. But people don't know that when they hear that I'm a high school drop out. And I hate that my kids might think that their mom is just a big, old, dummy.

So, at the ripe old age of 36, I finally went and got my GED. I just went in, filled out the paperwork, and took the test. Done and done.

I was actually nervous that I might not have passed so when I got my results I was relieved that I wouldn't have to tell my kids that I failed.

My scores were pretty good. I did well in Science and Social Studies. Got a perfect score in Reading (no surprise there), and barely passed Math.

Math is hard people. I have a whole new respect for both of my kids. They are both really good at math.

Clearly, they didn't get that from me!

So even though I'm still a high school drop out, I proved to my kids and myself that I'm not a big, old, dummy.

So there.

Hollow Doors (A Poem)

So have you ever tried to slam a hollow door?

It doesn't really work.

And then you just look stupid.

I don't like looking stupid.

Especially when I'm mad.

Nothing Important

So I don't have a lot to say lately. Still don't. Here are a few things.

I have fallen in love with the elliptical, especially in glute kicker mode.

I have a new favorite nail polish. I'm not going to tell you what it is.

I am jobless again through no fault of my own. Well, except that I refused to do exactly what someone else wanted me to do and ended up quitting so I guess that's kind of my fault but I'm okay with that and more importantly my husband is okay with that.

I can't seem to find a good playlist for working out. Aren't there any good songs out there??

Speaking of good songs, I just bought Justin Bieber's new single. Yes, yes I did.

I miss my kid. I haven't seen him since Christmas. I'm pretty sure he doesn't miss me. It's like he's a teenager or something.

My other kid still loves me so there's that. She'll love me forever though...I'm sure of it.

That nail polish, it's a Sinful Color. That's all I'm saying.

CVS...Not The Pharmacy

So Layla has a condition called CVS, Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome.

Basically, out of the blue, she will get incredible stomach pain (a stomach migraine) and start vomiting. When she was a toddler it would last 8-10 hours of vomiting every 5-10 minutes. EVERY 5-10 minutes. She became a champion puker. She never missed the bucket, she never complained, she just knew the routine (puke, sip of water, lie down for five minutes, puke again). These episodes would happen every three months, like clockwork. After a couple of years the time between episodes started to stretch out. Four or five months would go by, then six or seven months and before we knew it it seemed to stop all together.

She doesn't have regular episodes anymore but when she doesn't get enough sleep or is really nervous or upset about something it pops up again.

She had two sleepovers last weekend and was beyond tired on Sunday night. On Monday morning I woke up to her standing in front of my bed telling me she was going to throw up. And that she did.

She's back at school today after spending yesterday on the couch with her trusty puke bucket and a glass of ice water.

No more double sleepover weekends!

New Year's Eve

So New Year's Eve was a low key affair in this house. I was asleep by 10 but...whatever.

Nick and Layla had a date at the theater. She's so freaking cute!









P.S. They saw The Wizard of Oz. How appropriate are her shoes?

Black Friday Door Busters Can Kiss My Ass And Here's Why....

*Warning: This post contains strong language. Because I was pissed when I wrote it, that's why.*

So I always shop on Black Friday but I go the sane route and wait until mid morning to go anywhere. I still get good deals on the stuff that I probably shouldn't be buying anyway.

This year I'm not sure what I was thinking but I decided that if Target was going to open at midnight then surely they would want me to be there. So my dumbass decided to go wait in line.

I was with my sister, her (future) step-daughter, Kyra, and Gage. We got there at 11:30. The line wrapped around Target and the strip mall that is next door. Whatever, no big deal, we'll wait.

So...we wait. Gage abandons me immediately for friends he hasn't seen in a while and we start up a conversation with the woman in front of us. That's no biggie until the lady lights up a cigarette.

Let me stop and say now that I was a smoker for too many years and would smoke where I wanted and when I wanted and if you said anything about it I probably didn't really care.

As a former smoker you'd think the smell wouldn't bother me but in fact I feel like if she doesn't finish soon I might just puke up my vanilla latte on her feet.

And...she's done. Thank God. Except, oh wait. She's a chain smoker. Oh.

We can't be friends anymore. No more witty banter with you lady. I'm talking to this lady behind me who is equally disgusted. I like her.

But wait. What is this? The line is moving. Well, at least she'll have to put her cigarette out. Or she'll smoke ALL THE WAY TO THE DOOR. Whatever, I'm done with her.

And, we're in. So now what do we do. The 150 people that were in front of us in line are already in line to check out and you can't see a single face through all of the 46" T.V.'s in their carts.

We head back to electronics and just as quickly WALK AWAY because every person in this store is clearly mentally challenged, employees and shoppers alike. Does this employee standing in the middle of the aisle really need to scream in people's faces that "THE LINE STARTS OVER THERE AND JUSTIN WILL TAKE THE NEXT PERSON NOW!!!" Does this customer really need to argue with her about how RIDICULOUS THEIR SYSTEM IS? I really don't think so. Plus that lady is a lot bigger than you, guy, and it looks like you're really starting to piss her off so if I were you I'd get in line and wait until Justin is ready for me.

We quickly grabbed our crap and headed for the check out. Except where the hell is the line for the check out? I see a line snaked around a few aisles and start to follow it. I keep walking....and walking....and walking...and, what the hell! It snakes all the way back to ELECTRONICS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? This is where we fucking started.

Now what the hell do we do? Well, if you're me (very impatient) and my sister (maybe even more impatient) you put your shit down where you're standing and leave.

That's right. I said it. We left.

Because we're that smart.

To Stay Or Not To Stay

So if you know me than you probably know that I did not spend my childhood in Minnesota. I spent it in the complete opposite climate of Southern Georgia. Moving here was shocking to say the least. I was 17 when we moved to the tundra and that means I've been here almost 20 years.

I still hate it.

Snow is pretty to look at. And that's all I appreciate about it. And even then, it's only pretty when it first falls. The day after it's brown and dirty and gross.

I don't mind the cold. But cold stops being cold at around 30 degrees. Anything below that is not just cold but unreasonably harsh and painful.

And I could talk about wind chill factors but, seriously, that's just depressing so I'll skip it.

So do I stay in the frozen tundra of a state or do I convince my loving, amazing, perfect husband that we were not meant to live out our years here but somewhere....tropical?

I think it's pretty obvious!