Paper Towels and Computers

So I'm sitting at my computer and the card for my "lady" doctor is right in front of the keyboard. This is to remind me to schedule my appointment but, alas, it only reminds me of my last visit. Of course I'm going to tell you about it.

I'll start from the time they shove me into the tiny room and give me a paper towel to cover my nakedness. I ask for two, please. I don't know why I bother hurrying but I treat it as a race to see just how fast I can get undressed, get onto the table, and strategically cover myself with two squares of paper. Forty five seconds! Not bad if I do say so myself. Except that I know that the doctor won't knock on that door for at least fifteen minutes. Now I will sit and wait for a minimum of fourteen minutes and fifteen seconds. But, they graciously gave me TWO paper towels to cover with so really, I'm practically fully clothed. I'm all good.

Now I think, I should have grabbed a magazine from the wall before I got on the table. Well, I can't get it now. What if she's early (ha ha ha ha ha) and walks in just as I'm heading back to the table and gets a nice butt shot? No, no magazine this time. I'll just sit here and be patient.

I should have grabbed my phone out of my bag before I got on the table. Damn.

I think I have to pee.

Weird, that computer is making a funny sound. It's getting louder. Holy shit, that's really loud! That thing's gonna explode. This room is so tiny that if it does explode then I'm screwed. Good God, THAT IS REALLY LOUD. What should I do? What if it catches fire or something? Am I supposed to run out of this room with just my two paper towels? I have three major spots I'd like to cover but only two paper towels and two hands! Okay, really, this piece of electronic equipment is about to ruin my life. I'm sweating now. Paper sticks to skin when you sweat. Well, at least I won't have to hold it as I book it out of the building and my hands will be free to cover that third spot...nature's adhesive!

I've just realized that I don't hear the sound anymore. It's eerily quiet, besides the sound of my heartbeat thumping wildly in my chest.

Just as I'm wiping the sweat from my upper lip there is a knock at the door.

I think I'll schedule that appointment next week.