Life Changing

So I remember being sixteen and what it felt like. It was a roller coaster...daily.

I remember hating my parents one second and wanting to still be able to fit in my mom's lap the next.

I remember thinking I had the worst life in the world one second and not wanting to change a thing about it the next.

I remember being heartbroken one second and having a brand new crush the next.

I remember wanting to run away one second and never wanting to leave the next.

This is why you don't make life changing decisions when you are sixteen. But I've gone ahead and let my sixteen year old make one. I said goodbye to him this morning for at least the rest of the summer, which I can deal with, and possibly for good, which I can't.

He has the next couple of weeks to decide if he wants to live with his dad. Three hours north of here. I have said no every time the subject was brought up before because I don't want to live three hours away from my boy but...

Now it's up to the sixteen year old.

Layla in Photos

One Day

So there have been many, many times that I would have liked to write about what it's like to co-parent with someone that doesn't live with you and your child.

And one day I will.

And it will be a very long post...

Epiphany

So I used to think about the first boy I fell in love with constantly when we were dating. Like, oh, just wondering what he was doing. Who he was with. If I would see him soon. If he was thinking warm, fuzzy thoughts about me.

I'm betting he only thought of me if I was standing in front of his face. Or making out with him but maybe not even then.

Where did I come up with this you ask?

I now have a son the same age that I was when I was pining away for my first love.

I get to see the male perspective.

If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have wasted so much time.

Just sayin'.

Suck It "D"

So I slept. It's warm. I got a tan. I watched some great baseball. Watched a few funny movies. Hung out with friends and family.

And that's how you kick depression right in the ass.

The "D" Word

So here's the thing about depression. It's sneaky. I don't know it's coming until it's already here.

It starts with the messed up sleep. It can take a while but after a month or two of really crappy sleep I realize that I'm exhausted. Then that's all I can think about. When can I sleep again. I could nap like a toddler but then I'll never sleep at night so that's not the best idea. I could concentrate really really hard on something to dream about when I go to bed at night and maybe that will help except that once I start that I can't turn my brain off again. So that's a horrible idea.

After a few weeks all I can think about is how much I really want to sleep...that's when I just get sad. Blue. Down. Hopeless.

Then I just want to be alone. I don't want to be around anyone but my family. I don't want to get dressed. I don't want to do anything. But sleep.

So please excuse me if I'm being a loner. It's just that depression sneaked up on me and now I have to kick it's ass.

Hopefully it won't take too long.

I Hate This Place

So last Tuesday it got up to 89 degrees. Right now...45 degrees.

I will be looking at property in Arizona.

I could go for a nice dry heat